=====================================

God Hates Divorce, Not The Divorced

- by Dan W. Dooley

=====================================

I will start with the statement that I have never experienced divorce nor has my wife. So from that standpoint, there's not much chance that I can be considered an authority on the subject. I'm not going to claim to be. I have seen however, the devastating affects on the lives of others. In human experience, it is perhaps the most destructive force two people can be subjected to.

God hates divorce, not the divorced. Too often victims feel that they have failed so severely that even God has no place for them. They feel like outsiders. Even in the church. They feel unworthy to be a part of any Christian fellowship. There is a feeling - often severe - of guilt. The divorced often view themselves as second class Christians. They are not quite part of the fellowship of believers. Sometimes their feelings of estrangement are justified. Sometimes others DO look at them as such. Very often though, perhaps in the majority of cases, the guilt is self imposed.

God created and blessed marriage. He intended it as a model of the relationship between Christ and the Church. In God's eyes, the destruction of marriage is a sin. A sin, but not any different than any other sin. He hates it! Numerous references throughout the Scriptures, in both the Old and New Testaments, paint divorce in less than a favorable light.

The problem is, we tend to make it an unforgivable sin. Once committed, the offender is tagged for life.

Jesus himself spoke against it but He did put it in a different light. It's clear that He did not hold in judgment the victims of divorce. Jesus gave us a perfect example of his compassion and the fact that He loved the divorced without accepting or condoning the act of divorce in the account of His encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. We know the story well. Jesus and His disciples were traveling from Judea to Galilee. On the way they passed through Samaria. Jesus, being tired from the journey sat down to rest by a well. It's easy to imagine the effects of the long walk in the heat of the day. Certainly, He was thirsty. And hungry. He sent His disciples into the nearby town to buy food.

It wasn't long before one of the townswomen came to the well to collect water from the well. Remember, they did not have running water in their homes but rather gathered their daily water usage from the community well.

In the conversation that ensued Jesus surprised her by revealing His knowledge of the state of her married life. She had been divorced. Not once, but five times! But look. He does not harp on her sin of divorce. He focuses in on her need of Salvation. The need of the sinner is not to remove the sin in his or her life. That may sound like a heretical statement for after all, sin is hated by God. True. Jesus did not even bring up the state of her marriage history once He had initially established in her mind, the fact that He did indeed know who she was. From that point on, His only interest was in the state of her spiritual well being. Sure, He hated what she had done, but He loved the person she was. He loved her enough to offer to her what was not culturally acceptable at that time in history. Salvation which all thought to be the sole possession of the Jews of which Jesus was one. He spoke directly to her when it was unheard of for a Jew to discourse with a Samaritan. Certainly not a Jewish man with a Samaritan woman. He set that prejudice aside much to the chagrin of His disciples. He focused on the individual knowing full well that once the individual is changed, the sin issue takes care of itself. The tendency and desire to sin will be gone.

As Christians, we must, absolutely must! see divorce in the same light Jesus does. It is a horribly destructive thing. By God's perfect will it would never be required. We live in a real world and it's going to happen. We have to expect that divorce will be the end of some marriages. In this current atmosphere of "throwaway" marriages, it's going to happen all to often and all too easily. Still, there are many for whom it's a necessary but last resort. Let's never go to the extreme and claim that in no case must one give in to divorce. Let us not be too quick to take that way out of what may be a bad marriage situation. If at all possible, marriages should be saved. But it's not always going to be possible. In some cases, divorce is the only remaining course of action. When that occurs, as Christians, we have a responsibility to accept that decision on the part of those involved and respect their situations and decisions. We will acknowledge it but never will we, nor should we celebrate it. It is a tragedy, not a triumph.

As a minister, I have the added responsibility to support those faced with the prospects of divorce and to the best of my ability and with the help of the Holy Spirit and my understanding of the Scriptures understand the pain they're going through and offer my counsel wisely. Never must I push beyond endurance in one direction or other. By prayerful counseling, I must walk with them through the tragedy of separation ever reminding them that God continues to love them, is able and more than willing to lift them up in spirit, and pick up the pieces of broken lives and set their feet on the path to recovery and a fully blessed future. If it is possible for healing and reconciliation to the relationship, so much the better. If not, I will accept that outcome and go from there in my support. God is not intent on putting on them a burden of guilt. God is the forgiver and the forgetter of sin. Once we come to Him and seek His forgiveness, He does so and then He completely forgets it. Just as if we had never committed the sin.

That may seem all too easy. Come on now, Dan. You don't know what all I have gone through or suffered. You don't know the mistakes I've made. You don't know the wrong I've suffered as a result of the mistakes of others. True. I don't. I can understand, but I can't fully know. I can only know the One who does know. And I know what He has said. He will remember our transgressions no more.

If you have been the victim of divorce, whether you have been the cause or the innocent party, remember, God is not angry at you. He is distressed over what was done, but not against you. He is eager to take you from where you are right now and set your feet on the path toward recovery and regaining your dignity. No matter the severity of your past sin, if you will turn away from sin and towards Him, He will accept you. Be truly willing to reject the past and its mistakes and seek His forgiveness and He will welcome you with open arms. Your life is ahead of you, not behind you.

----

Here is a helpful link

DivorceHope Destroying the yokes of shame and guilt. Offers a new book, Divorce: God's Will?. A book from God's heart. God's priority is to first save the people of the marriage, not necessarily the marriage itself. Also covers divorce, remarriage and proper submission. Many helpful links to resources to help people involved in crisis in the areas of marriage problems, family problems, divorce help, and relationship problems.

© Dan W. Dooley 2004

----

Dan W. Dooley is husband, father, grandfather, and creator and owner of Dooley's Treasure Chest and Treasure Chest Ministries. He is an ordained minister in affiliation with United Christian Faith Ministries (UCFM).